if love were enough;
if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever
My sweetest boy, it broke my heart to say goodbye to you. I knew the time would eventually come, but I don’t think I ever would have been ready. For 16 years, you were the always the constant in my life, no matter what else was happening. That is literally half of my life, and my entire adult life. Your presence always calmed me, even when I was a complete mess. From breakups to deaths to moves, you were always by my side. It’s been two weeks today. I got a call earlier today that tomorrow you will come back home to me where you belong.
You were never, ever “just a cat”. No matter what anyone says, you were a family member. I loved you so, so much. Losing you was nearly as hard as losing my human best friends. Where there used to be a presence, there is now just emptiness, and it really breaks my heart. I wish everyone could understand the kind of bond you have with anyone or anything after 16 years of being together. The decision I had to make to say goodbye was one of the hardest things I have done. I tried so, so hard to keep you healthy and happy. But age and illness were not on our side buddy, and I’m so sorry. I have been assured it was the right thing to do, and I do believe that, but still, you have left such an emptiness. I feel as if you were apart of my identity, and now you’re gone.
I took you to the vet that day, snuggled in your favorite blanket. I knew you were so tired. You barely had the energy to care that we were in the car. But somehow, you seemed to know that I was hurting, and you reached your little paw out and put it on my hand.
After we left, all I had of you was your collar and a little vial of your hair. Nowhere near enough, but better than nothing I guess.
I miss you so so badly. I still often forget and look for you. I think I see or hear you out of the corner of my eye.
Mama loves you baby dust. I always will, and I will never ever forget you.