Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas

I have to be up in a little over three hours. Christmas morning starts between 6 and 7 for a 3 year old. Tonight I wrapped gifts and I had dinner with my family. I facetimed someone that makes me ridiculously happy. But I also fought with someone I used to think I cared a…

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Dusty

if love were enough;  if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever My sweetest boy, it broke my heart to say goodbye to you. I knew the time would eventually come, but I don't think I ever would have been ready. For 16 years, you were the always the constant in my…

lately

As is the case for most people, 2020 has been on hell of a ride. This year has been absolutely bananas for me, for so many reasons. I realize I haven't written anything since the anniversary of Chelsea's death back in April, and it's honestly because life has been an absolute shit show. So I…

for liam

we were so little when we met. i had no idea at the time that you would have such an impact on my life, or that you would become such an important person to me later in life. i wish i had known time was limited. i wish i had known then that every breath…

One Year

Unbelievable that you’ve been gone for a whole year. Today is the one year anniversary of the worst day of my entire life. Chels, There are five million things I have missed about you every.single.day. of the last year. Life still doesn’t make sense without you. It never will. I’ll love you and miss you…

eight years

It's been eight years since I've been able to hear your voice, see that incredible smile, and look into your eyes. As I type that, it seems insane. It feels like a lifetime. I used to come to you for almost everything. You or Chels. Now you're both gone and I'm here without you. Now…

another surgery

So I had another back surgery the other day. It was the WORST one that I have ever had, and that's compared to two spinal fusions, three laminectomies, and two discectomies. I had a spinal cord stimulator implanted. Back in December I had the trial done, and it was so awful. In addition to being…

Greyson

if love were enough; if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever I share a lot about the loss I've endured in my life, and specifically, my best friend Chelsea, whom I lost to metastatic breast cancer. Exactly one year ago next month, in fact. It's crazy that it's been almost an…

Hard Days

Things have been really rough lately. I know it has been quite a while since I've written, but I've promised myself that I will start again. I'll update soon. Stay tuned.

anxiety vs. sleep

My anxiety is out of control. It is a constant battle in my mind of what I know rationally and what my anxiety is telling me. The last few nights have been rough. I get tired, and all I want to do is go to sleep. And then for absolutely no reason something bizarre happens.…