lately

As is the case for most people, 2020 has been on hell of a ride. This year has been absolutely bananas for me, for so many reasons. I realize I haven't written anything since the anniversary of Chelsea's death back in April, and it's honestly because life has been an absolute shit show. So I…

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another day, another stay

so i finally moved out. on tuesday june 12th i moved out of my beautiful home that we built together. it broke my heart all over again. i'm temporarily staying with family until i can find a new place to live and until then i'll be hopping around between my immediate family members homes. after…

waves

so i study grief. literally my masters degree is counseling with a focus on bereavement (grief) i am excellent in a crisis. i am incredible at comforting others that are grieving. except when it's myself. in case you don't know, the five stages of grief, as defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, are denial anger bargaining depression…

the humor in the dark and twisty

depression, anxiety, grief, bad days, sad days, dark thoughts, dark times-some of us have many more of these than others. maybe it has something to do with it, maybe it doesn't. i have a dark sense of humor. Coping mechanism maybe? Who knows. Laughing releases endorphins so it can't be that bad. 🤷🏻‍♀️ *obviously, these…

invisible pain

i've considered writing about this several times but because I, personally, am not constantly and relentlessly affected by it as much as in the past, i had not. Yesterday I was talking with a very sweet girl i know that also suffers from constant chronic pain and we were discussing how it can absolutely disrupt…

for the ones that invisibly struggle everyday.

I see you. You look like you have it all together. Your clothes and makeup are enviable. From the outsiders point of view, you have it all. I see you. You struggle to get out of bed most mornings. You can barely get the motivation to pick out those clothes and put on that makeup.…

when i’m alone with my thoughts.

I have been working crazy hours. I fell asleep in my living room last night around 6pm when I got home. Which is great I guess, because I was really tired. The only problem is that I woke up at 2:30am wide awake and fully rested and I don't even have to start getting ready…

the dark cloud

my anxiety follows me everywhere uninvited. a dark cloud that rarely brightens. i always struggled with it a little, but when my best friend died, it just exploded. Its annoying because its mostly really irrational things that I have no control over, and I try to remind myself of that but thats a lot damn…