lately

As is the case for most people, 2020 has been on hell of a ride. This year has been absolutely bananas for me, for so many reasons. I realize I haven't written anything since the anniversary of Chelsea's death back in April, and it's honestly because life has been an absolute shit show. So I…

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for liam

we were so little when we met. i had no idea at the time that you would have such an impact on my life, or that you would become such an important person to me later in life. i wish i had known time was limited. i wish i had known then that every breath…

eight years

It's been eight years since I've been able to hear your voice, see that incredible smile, and look into your eyes. As I type that, it seems insane. It feels like a lifetime. I used to come to you for almost everything. You or Chels. Now you're both gone and I'm here without you. Now…

2019 | the worst year of my life

It has been a long, long time since I have written anything. The last several months have been ROUGH. This has probably been the worst year of my life if I'm being honest. I was lucky enough to have two life long best friends. As you know, I lost T in 2012. Losing him made…

time doesn’t heal

I had a bit of a rough day a few days ago. I briefly visited the TU campus, and it was the first time I've really been on the actual campus since the candlelight vigil the school had for T. I honestly didn't even think twice about it at first. But as we drove through…

another day, another stay

so i finally moved out. on tuesday june 12th i moved out of my beautiful home that we built together. it broke my heart all over again. i'm temporarily staying with family until i can find a new place to live and until then i'll be hopping around between my immediate family members homes. after…

waves

so i study grief. literally my masters degree is counseling with a focus on bereavement (grief) i am excellent in a crisis. i am incredible at comforting others that are grieving. except when it's myself. in case you don't know, the five stages of grief, as defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, are denial anger bargaining depression…

starting over

so i've been thinking about what happens now. i thought that my life was already all planned out, i thought i was going to marry the man that has just turned my life upside down, i thought a lot of things. but now all of those things that i thought to be true are not.…