waves

so i study grief. literally my masters degree is counseling with a focus on bereavement (grief) i am excellent in a crisis. i am incredible at comforting others that are grieving. except when it's myself. in case you don't know, the five stages of grief, as defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, are denial anger bargaining depression…

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Living with a broken heart

i dont even know if thats an appropriate title. I certainly dont feel like im living. My entire world has been ripped from beneath my feet and the person that loved me most in this world did the ripping. I get up and get dressed and go to work but im not myself. Im some…

heartbreak and a thousand candles

Facebook is great. I love using it to connect, to express myself, and to see what everyone is up to. But every year around this time, i get these "on this day" memories on facebook. Usually it's a pretty neat feature, except for this one week. Most of the time it sucks and reopens wounds,…

six years

this is gonna be a tough one. it's been a little while since i've written. i have been so busy with work and really just life in general. however, these last few days have been filled with nothing but dread. knowing it was almost here. the one day i hate most out of the whole…

your sixth birthday in heaven

Today you would have been 33. I wonder what your life would be like if you were still here. Would you be living here? Would you be married? Oh how I wish these weren't things to wonder about. I miss you always, but some days are harder than others. Happy Birthday Angel.

a letter to my best friend in heaven.

hello love. this letter might be more for me than you. I want you to know that I miss you everyday, so much in fact, that my heart hurts. There are so many things I want to tell you, although some of those things were in the letter that I put in your casket to…

when i’m alone with my thoughts.

I have been working crazy hours. I fell asleep in my living room last night around 6pm when I got home. Which is great I guess, because I was really tired. The only problem is that I woke up at 2:30am wide awake and fully rested and I don't even have to start getting ready…

Death; for the little humans and the big ones.

I wrote this after I watched a talk that Kate Braestrup (pictured above during her talk “The House Of Mourning”) gave a few months ago. Link to that at the bottom of the page.   I love this so, so much. The things that she speaks about here are so important to me, things that I…

a little cliche

When i was trying to figure out what to name this blog i was struggling. I am not a writer, let alone a good one. I decided to start writing here not just about my journey through grief and loss, but really a little of everything. Im kind of a mess. Sometimes not even at…

and today, i got angry again.

five years and nine months ago, a piece of me died. i never saw it coming. it hit me like a train. a train that almost killed me. my "person", the "christina" to my "meredith", if you will (grays anatomy reference), died. just like that he was gone. my 27 year old best friend who…