Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas

I have to be up in a little over three hours. Christmas morning starts between 6 and 7 for a 3 year old. Tonight I wrapped gifts and I had dinner with my family. I facetimed someone that makes me ridiculously happy. But I also fought with someone I used to think I cared a…

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lately

As is the case for most people, 2020 has been on hell of a ride. This year has been absolutely bananas for me, for so many reasons. I realize I haven't written anything since the anniversary of Chelsea's death back in April, and it's honestly because life has been an absolute shit show. So I…

for liam

we were so little when we met. i had no idea at the time that you would have such an impact on my life, or that you would become such an important person to me later in life. i wish i had known time was limited. i wish i had known then that every breath…

One Year

Unbelievable that you’ve been gone for a whole year. Today is the one year anniversary of the worst day of my entire life. Chels, There are five million things I have missed about you every.single.day. of the last year. Life still doesn’t make sense without you. It never will. I’ll love you and miss you…

eight years

It's been eight years since I've been able to hear your voice, see that incredible smile, and look into your eyes. As I type that, it seems insane. It feels like a lifetime. I used to come to you for almost everything. You or Chels. Now you're both gone and I'm here without you. Now…

Greyson

if love were enough; if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever I share a lot about the loss I've endured in my life, and specifically, my best friend Chelsea, whom I lost to metastatic breast cancer. Exactly one year ago next month, in fact. It's crazy that it's been almost an…

an upsetting memory wall

Lately, or for the last 6-ish months, I have been almost entirely consumed by my grief for Chelsea. I would feel bad about it, but I think Tim understands. I think he knows that after he died I was left with just one of my two people, so it was that much harder losing her.…

grief is hard.

Sometimes I feel genuinely angry that I have experienced such profound loss at such a young age. It isn't fair, I tell myself. There is no God, I decide.  I don't believe that I am stuck in the anger stage of grief. I think anger is just where I have landed permanently. I often think…

2019 | the worst year of my life

It has been a long, long time since I have written anything. The last several months have been ROUGH. This has probably been the worst year of my life if I'm being honest. I was lucky enough to have two life long best friends. As you know, I lost T in 2012. Losing him made…

time doesn’t heal

I had a bit of a rough day a few days ago. I briefly visited the TU campus, and it was the first time I've really been on the actual campus since the candlelight vigil the school had for T. I honestly didn't even think twice about it at first. But as we drove through…