lately

As is the case for most people, 2020 has been on hell of a ride. This year has been absolutely bananas for me, for so many reasons. I realize I haven't written anything since the anniversary of Chelsea's death back in April, and it's honestly because life has been an absolute shit show. So I…

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time doesn’t heal

I had a bit of a rough day a few days ago. I briefly visited the TU campus, and it was the first time I've really been on the actual campus since the candlelight vigil the school had for T. I honestly didn't even think twice about it at first. But as we drove through…

another day, another stay

so i finally moved out. on tuesday june 12th i moved out of my beautiful home that we built together. it broke my heart all over again. i'm temporarily staying with family until i can find a new place to live and until then i'll be hopping around between my immediate family members homes. after…

waves

so i study grief. literally my masters degree is counseling with a focus on bereavement (grief) i am excellent in a crisis. i am incredible at comforting others that are grieving. except when it's myself. in case you don't know, the five stages of grief, as defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, are denial anger bargaining depression…

Living with a broken heart

i dont even know if thats an appropriate title. I certainly dont feel like im living. My entire world has been ripped from beneath my feet and the person that loved me most in this world did the ripping. I get up and get dressed and go to work but im not myself. Im some…

Drowning

I feel like I'm drowning. The slowest drowning ever. I'm alone. I'm terrified, and I'm heartbroken. This is unknown territory. I have been with the other half of my heart for literally my entire adult life. And just like that I'm alone. Sometimes I feel numb, sometimes it physically hurts. I've never been here before.…