for liam

we were so little when we met. i had no idea at the time that you would have such an impact on my life, or that you would become such an important person to me later in life. i wish i had known time was limited. i wish i had known then that every breath…

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eight years

It's been eight years since I've been able to hear your voice, see that incredible smile, and look into your eyes. As I type that, it seems insane. It feels like a lifetime. I used to come to you for almost everything. You or Chels. Now you're both gone and I'm here without you. Now…

Greyson

if love were enough; if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever I share a lot about the loss I've endured in my life, and specifically, my best friend Chelsea, whom I lost to metastatic breast cancer. Exactly one year ago next month, in fact. It's crazy that it's been almost an…

grief is hard.

Sometimes I feel genuinely angry that I have experienced such profound loss at such a young age. It isn't fair, I tell myself. There is no God, I decide.  I don't believe that I am stuck in the anger stage of grief. I think anger is just where I have landed permanently. I often think…

2019 | the worst year of my life

It has been a long, long time since I have written anything. The last several months have been ROUGH. This has probably been the worst year of my life if I'm being honest. I was lucky enough to have two life long best friends. As you know, I lost T in 2012. Losing him made…

time doesn’t heal

I had a bit of a rough day a few days ago. I briefly visited the TU campus, and it was the first time I've really been on the actual campus since the candlelight vigil the school had for T. I honestly didn't even think twice about it at first. But as we drove through…

heartbreak and a thousand candles

Facebook is great. I love using it to connect, to express myself, and to see what everyone is up to. But every year around this time, i get these "on this day" memories on facebook. Usually it's a pretty neat feature, except for this one week. Most of the time it sucks and reopens wounds,…

six years

this is gonna be a tough one. it's been a little while since i've written. i have been so busy with work and really just life in general. however, these last few days have been filled with nothing but dread. knowing it was almost here. the one day i hate most out of the whole…