depression · finding love again · finding myself · gratitude · moving forward · moving on · starting over

a year ago

a year ago i never would have thought that i would be where i am today. a year ago i believed that i was happy, that i had a great life, i thought that i was in love. i assumed that because i had been in my relationship for nearly a decade that it was normal to feel the way that i did, that the way things were between us was normal. i lied to myself everyday, without even really realizing it. and then my life was turned completely upside down and everything in my life, everything i knew, was gone. i thought my life was over. my major depressive disorder completely took over and i gave up.
i don’t want to say I’m happy that all of this happened, because it was really rough. it was hard. i couldn’t see a future anymore. and then something amazing happened. all of the bad things that happened led me to where i am right now. all of the pain and the really tough stuff all seems worth it.

i’m essentially completely starting over. and for a while that terrified me. but now I’m hopeful. I’m happy, and I’m excited for the future. don’t get me wrong-it’s still a little stressful, but i know it’ll all be so worth it. i didn’t know that i could feel love like this. i didn’t know that i could be this happy. a year ago i had convinced myself that i found my soulmate, and i was so very mistaken. it’s still so crazy to me that even six months ago i believed that i was happy and content. but now its so, so different.

i guess my point is that no matter what life throws at you, even if you think that your life is over, things can get so much better. a year ago i thought i knew what my future was. but now it’s a completely different future. but its an amazing future. and i never could have imagined that this is where i would be a year ago.


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