family · good days · gratitude · healing · heartbreak · Life After Loss · moving forward · moving on · starting over · the postives

starting over

so i’ve been thinking about what happens now. i thought that my life was already all planned out, i thought i was going to marry the man that has just turned my life upside down, i thought a lot of things.

but now all of those things that i thought to be true are not. and i don’t know yet where that leaves me. it’s a little scary, the unknown. especially since about a month ago i thought i knew what my future looked like. if im being honest, its more than a little scary, its kind of terrifying. but im starting to embrace that. that anything is possible. that anything could happen. that maybe all the bad things that have happened recently happened for a reason, and now my future will be even better than i had pictured it. ….or at least thats what im telling myself for now.

right now, in the present, i still have a whole lot going on, and there are still several things that will need to be worked out over time. i feel like my heart is finally in the beginning stages of healing, but i think it will be a long time before im ready to let someone else in. so im taking as much time as i want to focus on myself. im just worried about taking care of myself, for the first time in almost 11 years. i find myself wishing every day that my best friend was still here to talk to through this transition. fortunately i still have my other best friend, and some new friends that are here for me.

it’s weird though, that at this point in my life im starting all over again. but im trying to focus on the positives and be grateful for all of the things and people that i still have in my life. ive never been a fan of change, but im trying to remind myself that change can be good. so yeah, we’ll see what happens, and in the meantime, i’ll keep writing.


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