I see you. You look like you have it all together. Your clothes and makeup are enviable. From the outsiders point of view, you have it all.
I see you. You struggle to get out of bed most mornings. You can barely get the motivation to pick out those clothes and put on that makeup. That darkness inside of you is constantly trying to take over.
I see you. You get in your car to drive to work, and during that drive you’re so anxious and you can’t figure out why. Maybe your heart races or you get shakey. But you pretend to ignore it, even though it’s nearly impossible.
I see you, when you’re at work and you have to talk to all the happy smiley people and fake the happiness right back at them. You try and focus on work that needs to get done, but it’s ten times harder for you than your coworkers because your mind is constantly wandering and worrying and it’s impossible to stop it.
I see you, when you go home to your roomate or your husband or your signifigant other and even though they may try really hard to understand what you’re going through or why you feel the way you do, they just can’t. Or worse, they tell you you just need to eat better or exersize or think more postively, which many times just makes you feel worse.
I see you, laying in bed at night, so tired that your eyes burn and your body is sore, but your mind won’t allow you to drift off to sleep because it’s racing with a million irrational thoughts.
I see you, because I see you in myself. Living with high functioning anxiety and depression can feel like you’re dying inside and no one can see it or truly understand.
I wish I knew the secrets to overcoming this. I’ve tried therapy, meditation, yoga, medication, and while those things may help a little, they don’t take it away. But while I can’t tell you how to make it better, I can commend you, and praise you, and tell you how amazing you are. I am proud of you. Because all of those “little” and “normal” things that you accomplish every single day are a win. And on the days that you just can’t find it in you to do those things, that’s okay too. You’re doing your best. And I see you.